His Holiness - Father Homo Pedo

Please keep passing the collection plate you mugs

I worship the religion of Homopedo which is an off shoot (pardon the pun) of Free Presbyterianism as any of you half educated half wits will know.

To give it its true Fresno name "Sucka de Cocha" which loosely translated means 'The only true way and the rest of you are damned to burn in hell.'

Our way is a way of ghey love (terms and conditions may apply) and we have our own version of the Bible as dictated to from Ghod Himself to Ian Paisley in the year 1666 BC .

We are a most enlightened Church and are made up of Gheys, Catholics, Jews, lots more Gheys, Slavs, Dirty Arabs and People of a certain color........... unless they are Canadian of course, then they are taken outside and clubbed. What goes around comes around.

I don't believe in evolution, just look at that word, isn't evol just a little bit too much like evil? And to evolve, well nothing good can come of that. Why ask questions and think for yerself when you can just read the good book or ask yer ghey pastor?

The world is 500 years old and if you find anything older then that's the work of the Devil, simple enough to explain, even to simpletons like you, my only reader.

I believe in Intelligent ghey design, if it was a bad idea would it be called intelligent? Don't try logic on me, even though I only have one testicle I can still run rings round you logically cos I got the smarts and Ghod is on my side. As the great Adolf Hitler once said and look at him, from a poor family to ruling Germany and most of Europe, the American dream but with lederhosen sauerkraut and a mistress who liked him to watch when she shat on a glass coffee table.

Ghod made Adam and Lilith but she was an uppity cunt and wouldn't make the tea when told to do so, she then went off to fuck lots of Demons in a cave which is what the Slavs and the Poles are descended from. Then Ghod made a better more subservient woman named Eve who wasn't too bright and there was the whole original sin thing which I have never forgiven weemen for. Man fucketh man, weemen maketh the tea, nuff said.

Getting back to intelligent design, after mankind fought the ghey apes for control of the world and wiped out the walking talking ones we were left with humans. Also left was the stupid monkeys and primates that fling poo, watch hockey and blog etc.

Due to Intelligent design the ghey primates still had opposable thumbs and what does any animal no matter how stupid do with the gift of opposable thumbs ?  They masturbate. Just look at one of my other alter egos 'The Japing Ape' I write that while I jerk off on the bus home.

Ever notice that given the power to tug the lad they will make full use of it and will be the only other creatures apart from superior humans that have sex for pleasure? Monkeys and apes still don't have souls like all the other animals which is why they can't get into Heaven and why we eat them. I'm eating a monkey right now as we speak. I'd better hurry, he has a train to catch in 45 minutes.